i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
