I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
