This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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