I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
