Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my being single is dangerous.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
