so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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