in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we're making bets on your personal life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
