there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
