Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
