apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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