I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
