I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
