I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize