the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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