Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
