apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
wow bdsm is so cute
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
