I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
