It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
