I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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