I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
