the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
