So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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