Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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