did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
