I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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