batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
