last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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