Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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