OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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