Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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