Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
