apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i've created a new STD.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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