No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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