just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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