Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
