The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize