Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
