Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
