apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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