He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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