What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
