p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
