we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
