Im at strip club and am horny
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
