she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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