i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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