I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
