I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
