My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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