love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
