walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
