I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize