i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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