I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
