You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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