after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
