That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
