Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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