Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i drank out of a bidet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
