They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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