Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
